Sam.

Doing a clean out of my multiple external hard drives and looking through old folders and photos I had saved.

A major trip down memory lane, with photos saved from my late teens. My taste in beautiful photos and fashion has not changed much in the last 10 years. 

Nor has my appreciation for beautiful photos of women and their bodies.

I forgot how much I love Sam Haskins and the beautiful photos he took of women in various states of undress.

Another year older, another year wiser.

It was my birthday last week, I went from 26 to the 27 I had really been dreading. Its weird, birthdays haven’t bothered me that much in the past, but there was something about turning 27 that was freaking me the fuck out.

I spent my birthday away for work, on a trip for a job I started four days prior. That was also adding to the overwhelming feeling I was having about my birthday, but for the most part it was myself being overly critical of where I am currently in my life.

Leading up to it, I was spending far more time than healthy thinking about what I thought 27 looked like when I was just entering my 20s. An overwhelming thought when my life is very different from what I had imagined, great, but different.

I haven’t done some of the things I had expected to have done by the time I turned 27. But you know what, in a moment of clarity while wandering along the beach I realized that not fitting in to other peoples generalizations, or my younger self’s generalizations is not necessary a bad thing.

I may not have done some of the things I thought I wanted to do, but I have done so many other amazing things, that I never imagined I would, or even could have done.

I have traveled and have a hunger to keep exploring, I have proven people wrong and made scary life decisions (they have all worked out exceptionally well thus far), I have begun things and finished them like a real ‘adult’, I have had and am having so much fun.

My early 20’s have been challenging, frustrating, exciting, scary, fun and insightful. I have learnt lessons and done things I never thought possible. I am happy and so thankful for everything I have done and experienced, as sappy as that sounds! I guess that is the thing about growing up, things may not go as planned but it isn’t the end of the world.

I may not be doing some of the things a lot of other people my age are doing, or have done what they have and that’s ok. That’s great actually, because who wants to fit in to a standard mold? I don’t want to be just like everyone else, I want to follow my own, often-unconventional path.

I guess that’s the thing about growing up, its ok to freak out, then realize that maybe its all not as scary as you thought it would be. If turning 27 encouraged me to focus on what I had done not what I haven’t then that’s good with me!

Flying solo

My housemate and I talk about this all the time, we have had lengthy, frustrated discussions, all revolving around our coupled friends inability to see that you can be happy and single at the same time. Shock horror!

It’s like as soon as you hit your mid 20’s and your not in a relationship people begin to assume there is something wrong with you. They begin to think that it is ok to try and set you up with anyone they know who is single, they think its ok to comment and pass judgment.

I don’t remember the last time I asked a married couple how marriage was working out for them, have they been on any good dates lately or had any good sex? But if you’re single it seems fair game.

I have found it more often than not happens with those I see less often, perhaps those friends I see once a month. You catch up after your general hello’s and how are you’s its right on to, ‘So are you seeing anyone?’

Um well actually I am not seeing anyone and contrary what you probably think, I am not spending my Saturday nights sobbing in to my pillow. Nor am I lonely, I am out enjoying my life and spending time with fun people who are also enjoying theirs.

I am single because I choose to be, I have no time just to have a partner because it’s the done thing. Until I meet someone who actually makes me want to share my time with them I am just not that interested.

Nor am I at all scared and sad that I am going to end up alone, I have friends, they are great and I don’t have to worry about the shit that comes with relationships with them!

I know particularly for my housemate, that most of her friends are married and for some reason they think she must be miserable because she isn’t. But since when did a relationship status become directly to linked with happiness levels or life satisfaction in general?

There is so much more to life and happiness than being in a relationship, I mean sure they can be great, but its not all doom and gloom if you are happily flying solo. I also have far more interesting things to talk about than awkward dates I have been on and boys I am not that interested in.

So we will happily continue to fly solo, being selfish and spending time with people that add value to our lives.  Maybe going on awkward dates, maybe not. Either way I am happy, others might not understand but I’m working on not caring.

Don't judge a book by it's cover

Today, for the first time in my life my looks became a commodity. Something looked upon as a consideration for a potential job. It has left a strange taste I my mouth.

I am not a model. I am not looking for jobs where one would/should consider looks to be something to judge my ability on. I mean apart from your standard presentable, clean hair, clean clothes kind of thing.

I have a degree in Marketing and Journalism; I worked pretty damn hard to be in the top 15%. I am looking to work in an industry where it’s more about who you know not what you know. But not ever did I expect for someone to ask about what I look like, to see a photo of me, to comment that according to them I am ‘attractive’, to all be put in to consideration to give me a job opportunity.

I am looking for work as a journalist; I want to report on the news. Not the pretty fluff stories, the heart breaking shit that makes you realize the world we live in is not so damn shiny. I know I am not going to get there with the first job, but I didn’t think it would matter what I looked like to get that first job.

I thought all those hard hours I put in at uni would be put in to consideration, the over 12 months I have spent interning, my grades, all the work I have had published, these things would be judged in order to get a job. Not my face.

Yeah, I think realistically to get where I want to go I will have to get in to TV broadcast journalism. But why should I have to look a certain way have to considered for a job. Why cant the fact that I am capable of doing the job be enough?

I have been brought up in a family of very strong influences, who have taught me that it’s not about what or who you are; it’s about what you can do. I have never, ever, been in a position where I have thought because I am a girl I would be treated differently. I didn’t expect that, because I have been taught that success is not about gender or looks, it’s about ability.

Today my world has changed. I hate that it makes me seem almost naïve. I am not that, far from it. But why is there a double standard? I highly doubt a male journalism graduate would have to supply a photo in order to be considered for a job. Why should I as a female have to?

 

I’ve never been made to feel so inferior, I have worked hard, I have achieved things. It has not mattered that I am a girl, or that I am what society has decided is ‘attractive’. I have achieved these things because I have worked hard, because I have been determined, because I have a brain that I like to challenge.

Today I was made to feel like none of that really mattered. That all that mattered was that by sheer luck, the genes that went together to make me produced something visually appealing.

It’s almost like Tinder for jobs, lets see if this person visually fits the role then maybe we will give them the job. Who cares if they actually have the ability, the dedication or determination to be successful or a good employee?

I am now left questioning, if I have spent the last three years working towards to work in the wrong industry.